I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Shame - the story of my life.
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