My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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