summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
