I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
