I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
