Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize