I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
