I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
