You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
