I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
