well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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