dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
