First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
