No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
