I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
accomplished twins. life is a go
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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