.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize