Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
