We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
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Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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