I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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