his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
