I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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