For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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