Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
