is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
