1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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