Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
