I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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