I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Even my vagina gasped.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
