guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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