I swear she didn't look like that last week.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
