I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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