May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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