Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
