We're facebook friends in real life
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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