her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
