There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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