captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
