I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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