Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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