Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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