My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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