I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
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