my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
