found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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