Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
