Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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