i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize