How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
