even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
