after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's shark week go big or go home
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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