Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
