you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The best revenge is premature balding
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
