I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
