so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
only if we run a train.
done.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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