so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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