my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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