If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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