Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Mom said you looked used
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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