Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
