I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
