If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
