they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
