Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
