can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
