I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
