i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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